


exit wounds

by worry



Series: little bits of stardust [17]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Gen, Missing Scene, multiple! yay!, saphael If You Squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-18
Updated: 2016-12-18
Packaged: 2018-09-09 11:32:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8889178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/worry/pseuds/worry
Summary: The heavy weight of strength finds its way onto Raphael's back, again, when they take Simon to the Hotel DuMort.Simon is exactly the kind of person that Raphael isn’t.





	

**Author's Note:**

> prompt: 41. exit wounds

i.

 

The heavy weight of strength finds its way onto Raphael's back, again, when they take Simon to the Hotel DuMort.

Simon is exactly the kind of person that Raphael isn’t; he screams. Clary. Clary. Clary? Jocelyn? Luke? Shadowhunters? _Anyone?_ Raphael has learned how not to scream. Camille? Camille? Magnus? Shadowhunters? Vampires? _Anyone?_ Screaming shows weakness, which is exactly the kind of frailty that Raphael does not have. Weakness and old bones. Raphael’s bones are old. But. He does not scream, hasn’t screamed in a very long time. Heavy weight on his back. He doesn’t even wear his jacket, perfectly picked out and pressed, in case things get – _messy._

He carries Simon to the Hotel, back to what should feel like home. Simon’s arm around his shoulders, Simon in his arms like feathers from a wing. What a beautiful weight. Heavy, with no strength inside of it.

 

ii.

 

_Raphael should have known that Clary Fairchild would scream his name. Names mean attachments, and attachments are Wrong. Raphael, luckily, never feels that kind of warmth. Warmth means pain. Pain is Wrong. It’s all Wrong. All wrong, always._

_Simon is a name. It certainly is, and a beautiful name. Like strength._

_There is a job that has to be done. There is always a job that has to be done._

iii.

 

Simon looks like an attachment, almost, until he takes the knife. Until Raphael lets him take the knife.

Raphael heard him open the case, because Raphael always hears things that he shouldn’t. Raphael always feels things that he shouldn’t. Raphael always does things that he _shouldn’t;_ an attachment, of sorts, to rebelling. The closest he can get to it without crumbling.

He lets Simon stab him. He lets Simon do a lot of things, like live. Simon looks like an attachment, and the vampires tear attachments apart, teeth bared. Somehow—

His jacket is ruined. Things are – _messy._ His blood flows down from him. His entire being, spilling out of his shoulder.

So he gets Camille, like a lost child. Like a heavy weight on his back being lifted.

 

iv.

 

In the end: leaving Simon to Camille is easy, because discarding food is always easy, teeth bared. Simon is not food, but Raphael is hungry. Raphael is _always_ hungry. It is better for everyone if Camille gets what she wants, a body to the wild animals, a corpse for the birds, an ending to be buried. It’s just _easy._

Or: maybe Raphael is just tired. Too eager to tear the _weight_ off of him. In the end: he floats, in and out of caring.

He listens, faintly, to the sound of Simon’s desperate attempts at negotiation. But. It’s not his business. It never will be.

 

v.

 

Saving is the closest that he will ever get to _rebelling,_ the closest that he will ever get to breaking it all down. There will be repercussions. There are always repercussions.

Simon doesn’t know how to thank him.

**Author's Note:**

> sdfghjhgf this is Bad i'm tired but i said i'd do this every day so im doing it every day
> 
> anyways


End file.
